Back in the old days every one went to town on Saturdays.|
Now its Wal~mart
Now a Redneck can have him some fun in a Wal~mart.
2. Ride those little electronic horses at the front of the store begging anyone who walks by to save you.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.
4. Start playing nerf football and see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Walk REALLY slow in front of people...especially down narrow aisles.
6. Tell an employee very officially "I think we have a code 3 in the Toy dept." and see what happens.
7. Play with the automatic doors.
8. Say "Hey! I havent seen you in so long!" to complete stangers and see what they do.
9. Take a display tricycle for a test drive around the store.
10. Find a straight faced person and mimic their every move until they leave the store...staying about 6 feet away. Play innocent when they look your way.
11. Pick a fight with the customer behind you at the checkout counter.
12. Be surprized when the checkout clerk tells you the total and make her ring it all back up again.
13. Not be able to decide what you want to put back.."well, I gotta have this..."
14. Look forever to find your cash......in all your pockets several times before finding it. Keep pausing after each pocket check to look at the clerk to say "I just dont know what I did with it!" This is especially fun if you have a big purse full of stuff!
15. Make faces and at people behind their backs..dont forget to make noises while doing so.
16. Sample all the makeup and perfume at the makeup counter. Be sure and have the clerk sample it too, so you can see what its like on other people. Dont wash any of it off until after you leave the store.
17. Get in a pillow fight with kids playing in the toy department.
18. Tell a clerk that theres a spill in one of the aisles..you cant remember which one but it was "that a way!" and point.
19. Rearrange the shelves the way you think they should be.
20. Move all the "50% off" and "Clearance" signs to non sale items.
21. Last but not least, get all the employees to help you find your car keys (they will really want you to leave by this time).
22. Make the employees explain products to you. Question everything they say.
23. Ask customers if you can help them..always send them in the wrong direction.
24. Try and "catch" things down the aisle while testing the fishing equipment.
25. Open up the fish bait and go around holding the jar out to customers noses asking if it smells very fresh to them.
26. Get onto a popcorn fight. The kernals will do if they are out of the prepopped stuff.
27. Ask new clerks for products you know they dont have.
28. When any announcements come over the loud speaker..look up amazed and exclaim "Its God!"
29. Make off with other customers carts when they arent looking.
30. Take a nap on the patio furniture wearing a bathrope and slippers from the clothing dept.
31. Stuff the gym bags with all kinds of sale items and leave them in the lawn and garden department.
32. Ask other customers to model clothing for you.
33. Get as many people as possible to help you find your contacts..after 5 minutes exclaim "Oh, thats right, I didnt wear them today!"
34. Walk around pretending to take swigs off a shampoo bottle. Always say "Aaaaaahhhhh!" after each swig.
35. Change the TV's to all different channels and turn the volumes up as high as they will go after unplugging them. This works well for the stereo equipment too, and is every bit as entertaining to watch when someone plugs them back in.
36. Lay down and wiggle on the floor after filling your mouth with whipping cream.
37. Get overly friendly with the other customers while drooling. Follow any that walk away.
38. Open "Emergency Only" exit doors.
39. Walk around sobbing.
40 Pretend to hear voices.
41. Try to lay away a candybar.
42. Ask to handle every gun in the sports department and while doing so, discuss your manic depression with the clerk. Twitch and raise your voice every now and then.
Demand a member of management at every register that you come to. When they get there tell them you just want a witness that you paid for what you got. Be sure its only gum.